Guatever

So I've just got back from spending 9 or 10 days in Antigua. At first I didn't like it because it is a huge tourist trap of hotels and restaurants and such. Not that its bad, but its sole existence is to be inhabited by white people (not just americans) on vacation...or so it seems. After a few days I didn't mind it so much, and actually found that it was kinda nice because there were a lot of people to meet, and everybody wants a friend or has a story to tell about how they got there or what they're doing. In my experience if you give them a chance, everyone likes to talk about themselves, and I of course am one of these people. Antigua refreshingly though seems to be one of the few places where people actually get nicer when they are lonely. Anyway, I met a lot of good folks, some from peace corps, some local, and a bunch from Washington (7 or 8). Also it was funny to hear people pronounce Spokane as(Spocaine)and not get the inside joke.

I also went to school for the week, and learned a bunch of stuff. My Spanish is way better in the two months I've been here, but I'm still working on pronunciation quite a bit, and still have to think about what I'm going to say. I can understand quite a bit, but people have to not talk like the micro-machines guy or else I get lost. I guess I like talking better because I can choose what I want to say, instead of racking my brain trying to decipher what is being said.

Finished a book called White Noise by Don Delillo not too long ago. This book is where the band (which I have never heard a song of) Airborne Toxic Event gets its name. It was pretty good. Reminded me a lot of the Trial, by Franz Kafka. Not so much in the story but the seeming hidden meaning in the characters, and events and use of metaphor to represent things like consumerism, and fear of death. I liked the specific part at the German Hospital at the end where a nun gives an account of hers and other nun's belief and faith in God as non-existent, but instead the idea and perception of their greater faith was what was truly important in order to give everyone something to respect and aspire to, yet be able to blow off anytime they want because it is okay for a "common" man to fall short of the conviction of a nun.

This idea of taking a title, self aware that they were not as grand as the perception their position carries, yet taking the responcibility and weight of such lofty perceptions in order to sustain the belief for those who need it, is very interesting to me. You can see it many places as common as parenting to the many political issues of society, to religion and its various teachings, but I find it interesting how we distinguish which is narcicism and which is not. Of course a person would insist the necessity of a parent providing such an example to a child, but what is the line? Manisfest Destiny? Health Coverage for Abortions? Anti-Communism? Approval of a Mosque at Ground Zero? At what point does our great intellect and authority to tell others what is best for them become egoism. In my book it all is, regardless of a persons need, such thoughts and actions imply a person has decided or agreed with the decision of another that their intellectual standing it greater than those they are providing examples to...Why else would that person need your help? If you were not smarter than that person or know something they didn't or, were not better equipped with resources, etc. why would it be so important that anyone concern themselves with the well being others? Epecially in the instances where a person's well being is not involved. And truthfully, its not a bad thing, it literally is the way of the world and the society we live in. To embrace it is to adapt. Of course, to know this or see it in practice is one thing, but to say it, I guess, is another. It would seem that as long as we act oblivious to such obvious things, that we are not vein, but to acknowledge it, even in its flaws, is disingenuous.

Luckily, I like the idea that people, while always in pursuit of gain, don't always have greed but instead compassion in their hearts, whether knowledgable or not of their lack of altruism, and for the benefit of all are trying to help.